I have just finished reading A Portrait of a Young Man Drowning by Charles Perry (InternetArchive). It is written in an easy-to-understand English though a bit slangy. There is one sentence I had difficulty in understanding at the end of chapter 25: "I make my way home. It has been asking for a long, long time. " What does the last sentence mean? What does "It" refer to? Let me quote the passage preceding to these sentences in question in case you need it to answer my question. "There is nothing to do but go home. I look desperately around for Madden [the narrator's alter-ego]. What am I doing? There is no Madden. I do what I do. I can no longer deny it. This is reality, sex is real! I do what I must do. Hatred cancels my crime, passion consumes my fears. And I know now what has been the horror of reality for me. " I appreciate your help very much